tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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