i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
