Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
