i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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