it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I could make wine with my vomit
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
