I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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