Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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