I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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