can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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