If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
