Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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