I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
