The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
