Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
