Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
