i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
