Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
