i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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