so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
