Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
