bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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