just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
