Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
