So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
