youre lurking in front of me
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
