he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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