one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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