You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I think we might need a safe word for this...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
