no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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