I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
