i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
