you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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