we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize