I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
