I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
