if you like me you must not know who I am
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
