Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
