Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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