My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
