She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
