what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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