i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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