According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
