the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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