You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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