I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
