WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
