By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
