just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
