There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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