The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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