You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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