Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize