brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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