I want to walk on stilts...naked
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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