There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
