I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
