did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
