the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
