Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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