She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
