with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
