I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
