We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
