so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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