i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
high people should be assigned attendants
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
