she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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