sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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