At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
