i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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