so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
