Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
