accomplished twins. life is a go
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize