I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
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