He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
