Sry I called you an 8
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
