For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
