I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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