census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
