He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
