i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My bed smells like the plague
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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