laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
