You're earring is so big in my mouth
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
