Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
